The Art of Writing

Even though underwriters write to agents who, unlike claimants, know insurance lingo, do not fool yourself: there are many pitfalls for poor or untrained writers. There are many ways in which a message can be misunderstood, causing alienation, wasted time, poor morale, and, ultimately, lost profitability.

When presenting seminars for underwriters, I review many typical writing samples. Even at the largest and best-rated insurance companies in the U.S., I catch about three to six problems per page in every underwriter’s letter – including form letters, many of which have been in the system, un-revised, for decades! The loss in productivity resulting from the imprecision and inappropriate tone of these letters is incalculable.

The form letter

Here is an actual and typical form letter that was sent recently from the underwriting department of a large insurance company (of course, names and other details have been changed):

Re: Automobile Application – John J. Loomis Policy # 35467474

A “bloop report” shows John J. Loomis as a household member with a collision loss 5/5/01. We need driver information on all household members and details of the loss.

Please provide this information by 11/09/01. Due to legal requirements, we will have no choice but to send notice of cancellation to the insured if we have not received your reply by then.

Thanks for thinking of Acme.

Sincerely,

What could possibly be wrong with this three-paragraph letter? Vagueness. “Details of the loss”. Have you ever pondered exactly what this phrase means to the agent receiving this letter? Date of birth? License number? What else? Did the writer really mean to ask for “proof of non-fault,” if applicable? Is that it, or does the writer hope for more information such as the amount paid for the loss? Evidence of prior accidents? Agents are letter readers, not “mind readers”. The underwriter must risk breaking away from a form letter to more fully describe a situation. That is why no amount of form letters will ever compensate for insurance professionals who do not have the skills to express themselves clearly and concisely.

It is ironic that this letter talks about “insufficient information”, yet is not very forthcoming about why the letter is actually being written. Perhaps the writer suspects, but does not mention, that “Mr. Loomis is an undeclared driver”, a fact leading to the sending of this letter.

Inappropriate tone. This letter gets a grade of “D” on its tone. The most ludicrous example of poor tone is the heavy-handed threat to cancel the insured (second to last paragraph) immediately followed by the insensitively upbeat “Thanks for thinking of Acme”. Is there a way to pose the issue more positively? Perhaps, “we will be happy to process your application once we receive…”

Inappropriate tone is not only characterized by negative, abrupt, nasty, or careless phrasing – it can permeate a message in many ways. This letter’s unfriendliness is reflected in the staccato, impersonal feel of the sentences. The lack of any transitions to smooth the reader from place to place leaves him to fend for himself. For example, even adding a word like “therefore” before “we need driver information…” would help the reader make sense of why he is being asked to provide information. Spelling out dates – “November 9, 2001,” instead of “11/09/01” – also adds a “human touch”, and allows the reader to drink in the information faster and easier.

Antiquated phrases

Although the above letter does not use “old-fashioned phrases”, they remain a generic problem among underwriting letters. Here is a short glossary of old-fashioned phrases to avoid:

“Yours very truly.” No you’re not! Use “sincerely”.

“Please be advised …” This is “lawyeese” and stand-offish. I’m willing to bet that 90% of the time that you write “advise,” you really mean “tell” or “inform”.

“Above-captioned loss.” Why not just name the loss and let the reader keep reading instead of breaking his train of thought? If, for example, the “captioned” loss says “Insured: John Jones,” you could write “the John Jones loss” and keep the reader with you.

“Kindly….” How about “please”?

“Please do not hesitate to … ” A light, bright phrase about 40 years ago, but now, like any other clich, is paying a price for its popularity. Do not be the millionth person to recycle this phrase.

“I have forwarded … ” This reminds me of a “forward” pass in football! Use “sent”.

“Please note that…” This is “patronizing”, and makes me feel as though I should run and get my notebook – omit it.

Although underwriters may not write as many letters as their colleagues in claims, they still do a lot of important writing. For example, they write to agents or support personnel regarding the inspection of premises, exceptions to policies, and modifications or denials of coverage. They must try to soothe – not hurt – feelings, sell their decisions, and watch their tone, especially important in these stressful times in which all of us are feeling that we are on “overload”.

“Enclosed please find …” Exactly what is there to be found? Reminds me of the joke about the fellow who goes into a restaurant and orders a steak dinner. Later, the waiter asks: “How did you find your steak?” “Well,” replies the customer, “I moved the mashed potatoes and there it was!” Use “I’ve enclosed” or “enclosed is.” By the way, it is perfectly okay to use “I” in business writing. After all, you are doing the enclosing.

“Under separate cover.” This phrase reminds me of a big spaghetti pot and its “cover.” You are sending it separately (or by FedEx, etc.).

“Contact the undersigned.” Ridiculous! You are the undersigned (at least most of the time you are) and should write “contact me” or “call me.”